went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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