i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Threesome in a minivan. New low
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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