A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
