idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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