Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
