Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
