Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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