If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
