..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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