There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
