Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
