the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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