so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
