I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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