I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
