im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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