he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
