Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
