tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
