No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
