So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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