Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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