Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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