Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
