do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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