I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
