im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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