Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
