the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
