I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
