Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
