what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
