You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
