at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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