i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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