i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
