That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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