I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
