Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
