i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it's like heaven, but drunker
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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