I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
