the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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