he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Me too!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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