You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
