Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
