Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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