So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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