Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
