Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
