I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
